We have been discussing the movie Good Will Hunting. It is one of those stories where the issues are very clear, and it asks the question, although much in the movie also points to the best answer:

What is more important, success in a career and all the trimmings that can come from that; or being very committed to a husband or wife, to romantic love?

Traditionally this has always been the greatest challenge for men, who God even charged with the responsibility of providing and protecting their wives and children, to the death if need be. In modern times, the sacrifice is usually one of time. To be really successful, usually takes more hours every week and even a lot of travel for some. How much is too much? How much can you literally be away from your family before you are neglecting them, personally and emotionally? How much are the big bucks worth? And we all know it’s not always just the money, for some who really make it, the notoriety can be even more intoxicating.

Today woman can struggle in the very same way since so many are in the workforce, and many husbands have stood up to help with the kids at home, sometimes even taking over the primary caretaking role. And the issue is not only how much time the husband and wife need to have together to be happy, to be fulfilled, to be loved as well as they should be — but also, how much time does the whole family need, if they have kids, for the family’s welfare as a family, and for each of those children to feel as loved and secure as they should?

Other things can draw us away from each other, all of our own quirks and selfish habits; the things that keep us from being intimate with each other even when we are in the same room or house together. These things are even more important, but they are not our subject for now.

And so, we spent a good deal of time talking about Good Will Hunting, because it is such a powerful story. A young man, who just so happens to have a brilliant mind, who was abused and neglected as an orphan in the foster care system, who was blessed to find a group of friends who are decent guys with some rough edges, who love each other, and would even die for each other if need be. For this, Will is very fortunate.

But he has nothing besides his friends going for him. He has never had a serious girlfriend, and not by accident, it is all far too terrifying for him. Besides for his friends, no one has ever truly been there for him in his life. And his friends only go so deep with all their joking around and drinking. And so, he has never had many truly meaningful and transparent conversations with anyone. Until . . . enter Sean, played by Robin Williams, his psychotherapist. It may be Robin’s greatest role ever.

In a powerful scene on a bench in a park, Sean confronts Will regarding all his arrogance and tough guy stuff, which has always functioned to keep people at a safe distance. If you have never seen it, you need to (and what’s great is that almost any little scene from a movie is on YouTube, you just need to put in good descriptive key words). Sean invites Will into a relationship, but only if he is willing to talk about real things, about what he feels in his heart, about himself, truly, about things that matter, etc. Sean is very much open to this, but not to continuing with Will if he just going to be an arrogant jerk. Sean walks off, telling Will to think about it and let him know.

I briefly mentioned La La Land last time, an incredible musical with a magical score. The message is even clearer in this story — Do you seek out your dream for your career with everything you have, not even letting romance get in the way? Is this most important? Or, when you meet someone and the sparks really fly and it really seems like something very, very special, should you not make that your life’s priority? And does it really have to be just one or the other? Can not love be primary, and you still try to succeed where your passions lie during the day, without completely abandoning this person you love?

And as I think about it, this was also one of the main messages in A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Ebenezer had wounds from childhood, great ones, that caused him to feverishly pursue “gain” and to make it into a “golden idol.” But he did have a love early on whom he abandoned, because it was just not important enough. In the end, he ends up a lonely, miserable creature, all the result of all the choices he had made to utterly pursue success and wealth.

And so, as we leave Good Will Hunting, what do you think was in the hearts of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, who were in their mid-twenties, when they wrote this story? At such a young age, how could they see so clearly the greater issues that face us all? Or, did the Holy Spirit not give them a little assistance, whispering in their ears? I vote for the latter. Either way, it is very compelling.

And oh, by the way, Will accepts Sean’s invitation to talk about real things, to really share his heart, and to listen respectively as Sean shares his, to go deeper and deeper and deeper. And finally, they are able to arrive at the place Will needs, his deepest wounds of abuse. Do they have to continue to define him, as they always have? Or can he embrace the possibility that with God’s grace he can finally let them go, and as an image bearer, love and be loved, the very thing he needs more than any other single thing in this life.

And should we be surprised? What did the apostle Paul say? “But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”  1 Corinthians 13:13 

Why, on earth, do we try to make it all more complicated than it needs to be?

Next time,

Sam